The things I've learned about trying to write a novel

Today is my last day in Portugal. Tomorrow I head for a few nights in Stockholm to visit my good friends Shona and Calle, then a little over a week in London until I head back to Australia.

Although I have a month when I get home before I go back to work, a month when I plan to polish off my near-complete first draft and re-work a very shoddy synopsis, I thought I’d write a blog about what these last few months in Europe have taught me about trying to be a full time writer.

1.       I use the letters E, N and F a lot.

I know this because all three of these letters have rubbed off my keyboard. S is also on the way out. I am not sure what words I write that use these letters all the time, but I hope it’s not FERNS or SNUFFLE.

2.       Writing (well) is hard

If I could write a book for every time someone told me that they, too, plan to write a book, you could call me Barbara Cartland (she wrote 723 books. That woman was a machine). Writing is not easy people. Writing well is even harder. There’s a reason that for every published novel, there are around 1,000 that will never see a printers press. It may not be brain surgery, but it may be the next hardest thing.

3.       It’s hard to be original

Think you’ve got a totally original idea for a book, something no one else has even come close to thinking about before? Hundred bucks says someone else has already done it, or something pretty similar. Trust me, I do a lot of Google searching.

4.       When it comes to writing, there are no rules

The more I read about how to become an author (no, unfortunately you cannot buy a kit), the more I realise that it’s like doing a medical diagnosis online. You’ll eventually get enough options and differences of opinion to make you turn into a full blown hypochondriac.

Writing is much the same. Everyone does it differently. A Clockwork Orange was apparently written in three weeks; An Equal Music took ten years. Some writers aim for 500 words a day; some 5,000. Some people write in the morning; some stay up all night. Some people tell you to try and avoid too much back story; I just finished reading Great House by Nicole Krauss, and that is a whole book of back story, and is critically acclaimed.

No rules. You’ve just got to do it your way.

5.       It’s hard to totally avoid clichés

Okay, there is one rule I try to abide by – to try and avoid clichés. Do you have any idea how hard this is? I mean, clichés are the best thing since sliced bread. Oops.

6.       You’d better bloody well like your own company

Writing is solitary. There’s no way you can get around that fact.

7.       I am not a disciplined blogger

I read The Happiness Project last year, a book that was based on a blog. The author states that if you’re a blogger, you should write a blog post every day. I write one a week, and sometimes even that’s a stretch. I like to blog, and I think it’s improved my writing, but I don’t want to bore people. I sit, I write, I eat, I read, I sleep, I occasionally go out and drink a few cocktails. There’s only so many ways you can spin a blog out of that kind of crazy life. Or maybe I’m just lazy.

8.       You have to put it out there

This is kind of like dating. You’re not going to meet anyone sitting at home on the couch watching Farmer Wants a Wife. Devastating but true. Even though I’m not disciplined about my blog, it’s been my outlet to get my writing out there. Sure, that was a risk. You all could have laughed. I look back on some of my blogs and cringe. But I also love some of them, and get a massive kick out of people telling me when they love a particular post, or comment on my writing. Some days that’s actually what keeps me writing.

9.       I don’t need to write full time to get my writing done

Some of my most productive days, and the days when I’ve done my best writing, have involved maybe one or two hours of actual writing. This means that as long as I don’t make excuses like having an urgent need to watch Pride and Prejudice (the BBC mini-series, all six hours of it) for the hundredth time, I could actually hold down a full-time job and still get a novel written each year. One page a day is all it takes.

10.   You need a lot of self discipline

Refer to points 2, 6 and 7 above. Self discipline (SD) and I are not always best friends. Sometimes SD gets in a real huff about this and just walks right on out the door.

A lot of writers, when asked to give a pointer to aspiring writers, say ‘Just sit down and write.’ Good advice. And strangely difficult to do. 

11.   I’m not one of these people that can write anywhere that takes my fancy

Over the last few months I’ve written in friend’s dining rooms and kitchens, public libraries, coffee shops, hotel rooms and airports. I’ve written staring at blank walls, lying in bed and looking out over oceans. What I’ve discovered is this. I need not a lot of noise, a lot of natural light, and am much better off looking at a wall than being distracted by a view.

12.   I don’t know how writers don’t get really fat

Not only do you sit on your arse all day, but it’s tempting to snack every time you hit a tough spot. I’m sure this is somehow also related to item number 10.

13.   You have to be honest with yourself

Binning my first attempt at the 50,000 word mark was hard. I might or might not have wanted to cry. But I knew if I was being honest with myself I didn’t have a choice. It was crap.

14.   Practice makes perfect (ah, yes, that old cliché)

You don’t go for a jog around the block one day and then run a marathon the next (well, maybe you would, but I would rather not, thanks). Same with writing. The more I write, the better I get. I hope.

15.   The thing about reading

To write you need to read. I have seen people try to argue that this is not true. I am sure they are currently out there writing a novel about vampires. If you don’t read, you have no chance in hell of knowing if you’re doing items 3 or 5. But when you’re writing, I think you can read too much. It can start to impact your own writing voice. And make you wonder if you have an original word in your head.

I read somewhere that David Nicholls (author of One Day) only reads non-fiction or classics when he’s writing. I think he might be onto something.

16.   People are suckers

It’s actually quite easy to tell everyone you’re writing a novel when really you just want an excuse to bum around Europe and not work for a few months.

Novel? What novel?

17.   I like to write lists

Not sure if any of you have noticed that. They’ve weaselled their way into my novel too.

I know this list is far from complete. As soon as I hit ‘Post’ I’m sure I’ll think of ten more things I desperately want to add. But I guess that’s the thing I’ve learned most about writing – it’s never going to be totally perfect, as much as it kills my perfectionist brain to admit. *sigh*

Actually, maybe I’ll just go and start a new list…..