I bet Lizzie Bennett didn't have to deal with this much cow dung.

Call off the fox hunting party. I’ve returned safe and well to London, all arms and legs intact. Although I must admit that it did feel a little like my right arm had been gnawed off not having internet connection for five days. I didn’t have anything else do but write (god forbid) and watch all 11 episodes of Brideshead Revisited.

And do a lot of Jane Austen-esque strolling of the hills of course. The countryside around East Dean is stunning – all green rolling hills and the gorgeous white Dover-style cliffs of course. Here’s a pic, to whet your appetite.

I just had to stop to take this photo. Not only because it is clearly a great shot, but because even though I am multi-talented, I can’t take photos at the same time as trying to manoeuvre my way around thousands of cow pats. That’s the other thing about the East Dean countryside – it is also grazing land for loads of cows and sheep. And those green rolling hills are just full of yummy fibrous grass for them to eat. I am sure Lizzie Bennett never had to deal with this much cow dung.

When I wasn’t sidestepping dung, I did manage to get a mammoth amount of writing done though. 5,000 words in one day alone! However, when I started having conversations such as the one following I knew it was time to head back to civilisation before I turned into a reclusive, eccentric writer or something:

Me: Morning!

Sheep: (silence)

Me: That’s a really lovely coat you’re wearing, I love the black and grey flecks.

Sheep: (Silence)

Me: OK then! Well, have a lovely day.

Sheep: (Silence bar sound of chewing grass)

So here I am, back in Barbican for a quick pit stop before heading over to the Cleary’s in Knightsbridge this afternoon to stay for a few days. Hopefully I will have regained my ability to hold a conversation by then, it was a bit sketchy for poor Lizzie last night. After only speaking to people I was handing money over to for five days, as well as the sheep of course, I think I had forgotten what my voice box was.

So Ben and Jane are the next lucky hosts of this writer-in-residence. They live just around the corner from Harrods on one side, and Hyde Park on the other. Which is not going to be distracting at all. A walk around Hyde Park each day might be in order, but I really will have to work hard to stop myself from entering the hallowed halls of Harrods, and purchasing their entire stock of tea towels. You can never have too many Harrods tea towels, right?